Things my students tell me

A collection of recent amazing kid quotes in my classroom. There are more but alas, my brain doesn't keep them all in by the time I get home.

"I use you tube to look up where babies come from!"

 "Someone fell in the toilet!"

"my brain is singing!"

"I don't remember how many freckles Mrs. Bush has"- Student was drawing my picture

Bajillion Degrees and strippers

Today was hot, very hot. 101 heat index hot. My students melted into the floor while we attempted learning.

I had one student tell me to "have a nice weekend" as they left my class. Yup. It is only Tuesday. They must not want to come back until it cools off

I also overheard two third grade boys asking each other if they knew what a stripper was. I am guessing and hoping it is because someone at home was discussing the recent Miley Cyrus performance on the VMAs. 

rent-a-first grader

One of my first grade classes has decided that a house without children is not a home. I brought DH's viola to work to show them a string instrument and they asked who it belonged to. It then turned into a whole class long aside about me not having children. One small girl told me I should go to the orphanage to go get some kids. Later, they volunteered classmates to come home with me nightly. By the end of class they had worked it all out and which of them would take turns coming home with me and that they would take care of playing with Charlotte. It was darling. I love their enthusiasm for making me happy and whole.

Heard in the hall

I'm helper today!
No! I'm helper today!
Noooo! Meee!

Ow!

This week in elementary school

This week was a busy one at elementary.
On Monday, we had someone decide to take the elevator during bus calls and the elevator got stuck so the fire department had to be called.
On Tuesday one of my darlings who chat with me about their behavior fell asleep for nearly the whole afternoon. Not a good idea for a six year old to stay up all night playing video games. We also had a student answer the question "is nine more or less than eleven?" with "no." Teacher's response: "that was not one of the options."
On Wednesday, I went shopping at target for a school food drive. We had a lot of fun and the kids enjoyed being at target with their teachers. While there, a colleague shared a photo of a third grade story problem. The assignment was to write a story problem and then illustrate it. It read, "I drew two boobs. I also drew two nipels. 2x2=4 there was a diagram drawn next to it.
Thursday included someone losing their coat and not realizing the one on the floor next to them was it. I asked if it could be in their back pack and they said "No, just my lunchbox and an extra pair of underpants." It was also the last day of my after school art critique/writing group. We had a party. It involved the principal singing Sinatra and Oreos.
Friday was relatively uneventful but with the typical kid things. First grade us also doing math with coins and they keep leaving out the second p and e after i in the word pennies. There is a door decorating contest going on as well and the art teacher and I teamed up for a big project.
I really do love how much I laugh at my job.

Said by or to small people

Teacher: no I don't think skittles are a good choice for snack


Student following a rhythm with eighths and quarter notes: chuckie chuckie chuckie cheese, chuckie cheese, chuckie cheese, chuckie chuckie chuckie chuckie chuckie chuckie cheeeeeeeese! (Bonus points intou can guess the song)

I can write my teacher's name for her on the ROAR award (behavior award) student then proceeds to spell their teacher's name with almost half of the letters missing.

Full

This morning I was using Popsicle sticks with my first graders to make rhythm sentences. Someone asked I these were real Popsicle sticks. I said yes thy are real but not from Popsicles I ate. Just bought like they are now. I said if I ate the many I would have a big belly ache. Someone in the room then said "and you would also have a really big belly!"

Nope, no babies

A female student today asked about if I was a kid, teenager, or a-dull. That's right kids, once you pass you teens, you are "A Dull."

Then a male student popped in with, "Um, duh she is an adult. She is a teacher."
Then he asked "So are you married then?"
I respond "yes"
Kid "so do you have kids then"
Me "no"
kid "are you pregnant"
me "no"
kid "Are you making a baby?"
Me "um, no?"
kid "Why not? Don't you want any?"
me "Sure. I just don't have any right now and I have 500 of you guys here to worry about. I do have a dog though" *attempting to make the kid accept that this is ok

kid "I guess that is ok" *totally disappointed with my answer

Just another day at the office

Student: these markers make me dizzy. Me: these aren't the smelly kind they are dry erase. Stop smelling them.

Teachers outside my room giving their kids a bathroom break wished me luck on this class.

First week quotes and stories

When asked when we might use a singing voice a little girl told me "when Mommy is sad you can sing to her."

Also, a colleague told a story of when a student got their head stuck in their chair on the first day. One more reason to say "bottoms on the chair not in the air"

trying not to laugh

So many times today I had to not laugh at my students for something they were doing. There was the first grader who was mad that someone narked on him that he licked the garbage can (twice), the one who was in the time out chair and fell out of the chair, and so many more.
The best was by far the girls at the back of a bus at pm bus calls. I am stationed outside this week right by where the buses load and unload. While the bus was loading, two little girls at the back of the bus were out of their seats and kept slamming themselves in the back bus window/door and sliding down like the splatted into the window.
I then had to look and then, point and say sit down and ruin their fun, mostly because this is not safe bus riding behavior. But, part of me was glad I told them before their bus driver caught them out of their seats and wrote them up. I had to turn around and laugh for a long time. So many more times that I dont remember either other than the laughing while turned away.

I do have a poster in my room on top of a white board. There are things that kids say that make me laugh written under it. It is my secret laugh stash. Maybe tomorrow I will share these.

1,2,3, HEY

A third grader asked me today if we could do a conga line in the hall instead of walking quietly. Sadly, I had to say no. I really wanted to say yes.

p.s. It was not me who really had to make the no decision.

Alternative energy

Today my second graders and I were discussing what to wear for our upcoming concerts. We talked about what to wear and how you should wear something like you would for picture day. No tuxedos required. A student then told me he was going to wear his tux and arrive in a limo. He also informed me that his limo was powered on burps.

I had a kid flip the word excited with erection today. I couldn't keep from laughing.

Kid: "Mrs. B. this move is so cool it makes me so erection."

I had to walk away.

True story. Girl:Mrs. B your makeup is pretty. Boy: What's wrong with your eyes? Did you get hurt?

please re-state your comment

I had a first grader use the word "ballsy" correctly in a sentence today. I made them say it for me a few times to make sure I heard it correctly.

I have a student who says not good things. Often out of frustration. Sometimes, things that are inappropriate come out even when they are behaving. Today we were listening to the Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker and using a listening map to follow along with the music. There is a section with flower buds and blooms. We all say  "bud, bud, bud, BLOOM" while doing plies and standing on their toes. My inappropriate friend was doing everything right and not trying to be naughty but they were saying "bud light, bud light, bud light, BLOOM" I had a really hard time not laughing out loud for the rest of class. But, to them the word bud means bud light not flower bud.

beep

My students go from my class to PE or from PE to my class. The PE teachers really worked the kids hard today. They were jogging. I had a first grader practically fall into my room and say "It was the tiredest day in gym today!" The next kid coming in then says "My heart is BEEPING sooooo hard!"

I had to go and "take attendance" because I could not laugh in the student's face.