one more

I have one more day left of my second class of the summer. I am starting to see that I will in fact get through this class and can do the work. I still have a lot to do but it will happen!

Brain Melt

Have you ever had a time that you worked on a project for so long that all of the parts look the same? I am there right now. Of the 13 assignments I have for my first class (remember this is grad school-the speed version) 7 are case studies on a fictional student and how we would work with their disabilities. I just submitted my 5th assignment and second case study. This assignment took me longer to finish than the other 4 so far. At one point, I went shopping just to leave my house. I did not purchase anything because school has already wiped my bank account. I just needed out and away from a computer screen for a few hours. I am really afraid that the last few case studies might not be so well thought out.

Grateful

I am grateful to work with people who care about their students. I am grateful to work with special educators who don't rely on the fact that their students can wait in their wheelchairs while they check their phones.
For three days, I observed a summer school special education class in a town a little less than two hours away from home. The class I was assigned to was taught by a very nice, seasoned teacher who was great to work with albeit being a little scattered at times. The children I worked with definitely needed special education services but were not severe or profound in their disabilities. Three paraprofessionals were also in the class with us and it made for a very supportive and comfortable learning environment.
Our classroom adjoined another special education classroom, but of children who had severe and profound disabilities. The wall to the other classroom was always open so that both classes could use materials from each side. It was through observation of the other classroom where I witnessed some of the most ineffective teaching I have ever witnessed. Both the paras and the teacher regularly checked their cell phones and personal email during the 4 hours we were with the students. There was a general lack of structure and care in the daily plan of lessons and activities. Because that wall was open, I could hear every thing that went on. Hollering at students does not work. Hollering over and over again at a student who is severely developmentally delayed does even less.  I am so grateful for the people I work with who are so much better for their students.They are creative, positive, and constantly showing the care they have for children with disabilities. I realize that being a teacher or aide for this population is tough and can burn you out. Regardless, the students require the best. I have noticed that often times we will let out educators with lesser skills be the teachers to students with lesser skills. I have a major problem with this.

Being Positive is Hard

There are times when it is hard to be positive. It can be really hard to be positive when you are broke. For me, it usually starts with an unfortunate event. Mostly, a superficial, not all that important event. Like not being able to get a new laptop for grad school to replace the 6 year old, dying one that I am currently typing on. 
When I look around and it seems like all of my old friends are moving into new and happy chapters of their lives. They are getting married, buying houses, having babies, going on vacations, making a whole lot more money than you are, engrossed in a field that takes them to places a music teacher could not imagine.
Ok, I am a little obsessed with the money thing. It comes from supporting two adults off one public school teacher's salary. Yes, I did choose my own path. Yes, I am aware that I could have made different decisions. Hindsight is 20/20.
It is very easy to slip into depression about all of the things that I don't have or am not experiencing right now. It is easy to think "When is the fun stuff going to be in my life?" or "When will it be my turn to not try so hard all the time?" If I mention one of these things to someone they may respond with "But you got married and had a beautiful wedding. You had a turn and now they are taking theirs!" I want to punch them in the face and remind them that part of the reason I am in crazy amounts of debt was that beautiful wedding and causing Kyle to relocate and be unemployed for about a year. I am tired of phone calls and fixing things. Tired of being so broke that I have to work two jobs to keep from starving. I am tired of not being able to replace broken or out of date things. I am tired of asking for help.
Don't tell me how it was smart to still be renting and how I can just get out when I want to. I want my own home that I can paint, garden, customize, and not care if the dog poop doesn't get picked up immediately. Don't tell me how I have so much more freedom because we are waiting to start a family. It does not make it easier when ANOTHER person I used to call a friend no longer talks to me because I am not part of the mommy crowd. You never realize how much friendships change when you don't go through the same life stages together. 

Now comes the hard work. Remembering my own positives.
I have a husband who loves me. Sure we are poor, but we are poor together. Hopefully, soon Kyle will be full time at his job. They like him there. I have a family that cares about how I am doing. We are in a better place than we were a year ago. There is a plan to how we will move forward. I have started a graduate school program that will give me some job security. Sure, my school is not going to pay me more this year for having another endorsement but, I still have my job. I can just find a dog sitter and take a weekend vacation if the bank account says so.  My dog is still crazy but, oh well she can't help it.

How do you remember you positives? How do you remind yourself that when you see someone else's life as cushier/better than yours that they have their ow struggles?

6-14-11

6-14-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

I had 4 chapters of reading to do from this book today. So much reading.

6-13-11

6-13-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Driving to my first grad school class! I am taking classes through Greenville College but taught at Lincoln Christian University to finish an entire special education endorsement.

6-12-11

6-12-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

The Fairy Godmother has arrived at the Barn Nursery for the Petals and Pixie dust fairy gardening event.

Friday Fill-in

1. One of my favorite birthday presents was _several seasons of NCIS____.

2. __Just breathe ___, it was as simple as that.

3. The moon __is very bumpy___.

4. __Delicious food___ includes __butter___.

5. I was tempted by __ice cream and cookies last night___.

6. __Swimming, going to the beach, and reading___ are some of the things I like to do on vacation.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to __driving home___, tomorrow my plans include __working at the barn and finishing research___ and Sunday, I want to __submit at least one more assignment to livetext___!



So, I have been a little quiet lately because I have been doing an intensive summer program where I am completing my entire LBS1 endorsement (special education) in six weeks. Essentially, it is 1/3 of a masters program crammed into 6 weeks. I have 3 weeks on campus of all day intense learning and then a week in the field and a few weeks of online research and assignment submission. It is kicking my butt but, I am so glad I chose to do it this way.

6-11-11

6-11-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

The beginnings of my fairy godmother costume for work tomorrow.

6-10-11

6-10-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Clean Kitchen!!!
This never happens.

6-9-11

6-9-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

School's out for SUMMER! A summer drink for the first day of my summer.

6-8-11

6-8-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

At the all school assembly, the first grade sang while I played uke to the Library Song. Adorable.

6-7-11

6-7-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

My students love this book and we made our own verses to the song based on what we were wearing that day. I love first grade spelling and writing. Gray pants were turned into gay pants and a white dress was a white brest.

End of the school year celebration.

Everyone celebrates in different ways. Because my school year just ended, I have a nice break from work. Ok, 1 day. I work on the weekends at the garden center still and am taking classes starting next week. But, I am rally enjoying this day off. It has been a while since I had an ENTIRE day to myself and doing whatever I want.
Truly, I don't like being by myself and not working. One day is good for me. I feel accomplished and relaxed...and I don't feel like a total slacker for not working more than one day.

Because today is devoted to stuff I need to get done and want to do, I have gone to the bank, gone shopping for new bedsheets (There was an unfortunate incident with the ones I already had and some benzoyl peroxide acne stuff. That stuff should not be applied before sleeping), went grocery shopping, and made myself a lunch of naan, hummus, and guacamole. I could probably live on that stuff. 
This afternoon, Charlotte and I have a date with the groomer. She needs a pedi-pedi.

Friday Fill-in

This Friday Fill-in is inspired by today being the last day of school!

1. I remember when I first heard __a beginning band play together for the first time. It sounds like car horns___.

2. __There was so much rain today it was___ showering down __when the kids arrived for their last day of school for the year___.

3. Most humans __don't get as many hugs in a lifetime as I got today___.

4. __Is this a good choice or a bad choice___...sound familiar?

5. I was inspired by _a student who made it through the whole year despite having brain cancer____.

6. __Where I left those confiscated silly bands and Pokemon cards,___ who knows where!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to __sleeping in___, tomorrow my plans include __working at the barn and reading for classes___ and Sunday, I want to __be the fairy godmother (for real)___!

6-6-11

6-6-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Kyle brought this home last night. His grandmother made it for us. I am in love with it.

6-5-11

6-5-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Charlotte is mad that we put her on a diet. She is barking at the food bowl.

6-4-11

6-4-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

A hot, hot day makes for a very long day at the garden center.

6-3-11

6-3-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Kyle was singing in a concert and I went to see it today. I love how he is the only one in focus in this picture.

6-2-11

6-2-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Terry, our school librarian is retiring and Judi, our Math specialist presented her with her quilt today. Terry told us she was waiting for this moment all year.

6-1-11

6-1-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

I spent 2 hours looking in every store of Gurnee Mills to find a black, short sleeved, button down shirt for Kyle. This was what I kept finding everywhere. I found something in the end but it took a whole lot of looking.

5-31-11

5-31-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

The best way to end a day (and May) is the last cupcake from a student's birthday cupcake-cake. It was really hot too. Hence the excess frosting and melted appearance.

5-30-11

5-30-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Pizza Night!

5-29-11

5-29-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Uncle Dave's birthday party at his house. My mom is behind the stove and was given this apron to wear. Take it as a compliment.

5-28-11

5-28-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

A day at the garden center leaves me staring at these all day.

5-27-11

5-27-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Please guess what the answers say. When I was grading these, it was a challenge at times.

5-26-11

5-26-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

Trying to take a picture of reading to the dog is not an easy task.

5-25-11

5-25-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

We had some nasty storms today.

5-24-11

5-24-11, a photo by musicgirl816 on Flickr.

We ran out of dog food and Charlotte's expensive food is only available at a specialty shop that closed at 5. We realized this at 4:45 and the shop is 15 minutes away. So, we caved and got her a few cans of food. That stuff smells so nasty to us but to her it is a giant ice cream sundae.

tan or dirt

When you work at a garden center on the weekends to supplement your teaching salary you become a very tired person when you get home. Today I came home and thought I might have gotten a little bit of a tan. This is ridiculous because I am very fair and red headed. I think it may just be a fine layer of dirt. Only a shower will tell the truth.

Light at the end of the tunnel

There are only 4 more days of school left. I have to remind myself this when I am exhausted from my current working schedule. (Teach during the week and work at the garden center all weekend) On Friday, I can do whatever I want to. As long as my classroom is cleaned out before then. Then come next Monday, I start my 6 week adventure of being a student again. After those 6 weeks, all I will need to take is a test and I will have an additional endorsement on my teaching certificate. The one that I just renewed for another year because I need one more year on it before it becomes a standard certificate instead of the kind they give to new teachers.

The next 4 days will still be grueling. C'mon, everyone remembers how crazy you were just before school let out for summer. Typically sweet and mild mannered children become screaming banshees in the hallway. The ones who were tough to begin with, out of control. I hope their parents are ready for them.

I also got my first end of the year thank you from a student last week. Being the music teacher, I don't get many. While the classroom teachers walk out with boxes of thank yous or had a room parent organize one big gift, us specials teachers are excited by the few hand made cards from select students and the occasional gift card to Target. It is usually the student who has been quiet all year and no trouble so you forget their name. Maybe because you never drew attention to them is why they thank you. Or that they are a nice student because they have nice parents who teach them how to act and to thank their teachers. I also notice that some of the most difficult students bring gifts. Maybe that is is an apology from their parents for their behavior and all the new gray hairs you just acquired. Either way, I will get through the last 4 days of school and love each one of the small tokens of appreciation from my students. Then, I will miss them all a week and a half after being out for the summer.

Kyle is singing at a concert tonight in our old neighborhood. I miss it here. I don't miss the commute.

Friday Fill-in

1. Hey! __Stop asking me to use the bathroom during my class___.

2. __I am looking for one___ kernel of truth.

3. Eat __more veggies___.

4. __Don't try to start a skein of yarn___ in the middle.

5. First thing to note: __school gets out in 6 more days. The teachers need it more than the kids___.

6. __A pedicure is a nice___ distraction.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to __hearing Kyle's concert___, tomorrow my plans include ___work at the garden center__ and Sunday, I want to ___get off work early to see Kyle's family at the concert__!