Because blogging takes time

I am seriously terrible at this. Since my last post, I have lost a dog, gotten another dog, had another baby, presented at 2 conferences on my love adaptive music teaching.
What I also know is that, I actually do want to keep this up. how, I will have to figure out.

Daycare guilt

In general, I love the daycare I send my daughter to. They are kind people who keep her happy and healthy. They do things I would never think of doing, like use glitter.  For the cost of the place, I better be happy. Like most working parents I am spending the same on daycare as someone spends on college tuition. Tater girl better get a full ride scholarship in 18 years because we will have spent it on quality early years.

Still, I feel that guilt of sending her somewhere for many hours a day. I feel that guilt that I LOVE my job. I feel guilty that I have to work but the cost of her care also means we can't do some things. 

Mommas with kids in daycare, you are doing a good job. You should love your job because you love those little people and if we are going to spend a fortune to give them everything we can, it better be something you like doing. 

Teacher mom

I have posted before about the teacher mom struggle. This post says it so well so I have to share. 

Setting boundaries and saying no are my biggest struggles. 

http://teachoutsidethebox.com/2016/04/7-ways-to-survive-the-teacher-mom-struggle/

Back to school shopping

No, not the kind where you buy supplies and clothes for the kids. This is the shopping required to make it through the first month back to teaching. The shopping that fills the entirety of my Versa. 

Pretty sure the workers at Costco think I am feeding an army based on my cart. 

This year it is my goal to try to not need to go to the grocery store at all in those exhausting first weeks back. 

Happy belated world breastfeeding week

Yes, I am late to the party on this one. Partially because life is busy but also, I have a hard time with this because I really don't want to put off my friends who don't breastfeed for whatever reasons. Really, I support #feedallthebabies. However, I'm a boob feeder and get all the reasons why we need to celebrate and support moms who wish to breastfeed or pump or a mix of all the options. I also will keep boycotting certain companies who ruin it for many women with false claims and preadatory marketing. 

Breastfeeding was a battle for me and tatertot at times. Bad latch, trouble with coordination, nursing strikes, sore:raw/bleeding nipples Luckily, we had an amazing support network and an angel of a lactation consultant. 

Now we are 17 months in (!!!!) and I am done. I want to stop. Tatertot on the other hand has her own agenda. I thought we were done a few time with nursing strikes at 11 months and last month but it turns out that was just teeth and as soon as they cut, she makes up for lost time.  We will see how long it goes, I go back to work in a week and when daycare time gets longer, she nurses less. 

Happy breastfeeding world!!  

Migraines suck

Let's talk about the absolute nightmare that is a migraine. The all encompassing "headache" that messes with vision, the nausea, the inability to look at the screens that surround us. Migraines make me a bad mom. My beautiful daughter wants to do everything that makes it worse. Touch me, play with noisy light up toys, watch Daniel Tiger, run around. I want to lay down in silence, in the dark. 

Resisting the urge to give in to the migraine and following the part of me that never wants to miss a moment of her childhood. 

I only blog in the summer.

Ok. Not really but it seems like it. This summer is filled with writing he masters thesis and a squirmy worm of a one-year-old. 

Pretty sure my not so much tv approach to parenting is failing as Daniel Tiger makes a daily appearance so I can shower or do laundry. 

Today's daily peace is also brought to me by Grandma. Yep, she is staying with us for a few days to alleviate the daycare costs. Wahoooo!!!

Life hacks- four month old edition

Tater tot is having a tough time with naps lately. Life is just to fun to observe.  Today's afternoon nap success is brought to you by a stretchy wrap and a wubbanub. The morning nap was brought on by a LONG walk to the Starbucks and back. 

Here's to you, fellow teacher moms.

To the women who go back to teaching after baby:

Pumping during your precious plan periods

Thinking of your LO while you see their faces in the children of others

Maintaining your composure with THAT KID even though you were up at 3 and 5 am. 

Crying with the other teacher who was there last year. 

We've got this. We teach because we have all those other kids. That class who gives us those same feelings as our own babies. 

Life savers

It is no secret I love things that save me time and/or money.  I have discovered two things that make being a working mom/grad student a little easier. 

Who likes cutting baby's nails? Anyone? Anyone? 

Yeah didn't think so. That tiny plastic surrounded baby nail trimmer never seems effective and big trimmers won't do. I have discovered that my cuticle trimmer works wonderful. I can see what I am doing and the sideways approach is a little less awkward. 

Bumble and bumble hair powder

This product has saved me so many times. I can skip washing my hair and still look like a professional at work. It is a little pricier than the spray dry shampo but it lasts forever and smells super good. Bonus for summer travel- not an aerosol to worry about on airplanes

End of Leave

Today was the last day of my maternity leave. 

First, I am ashamed with our country for not having paid maternity leave the way EVERYWHERE ELSE does. But, that is a different rant for a different day. 

I am incredibly lucky because I am a teacher and was able to bank sick days to help pay for leave and will have the summer free. 

I go back to work for 12 days. 12 days then summer break. (Autocorrect just changed summer to dumber. Totally perfect for all the forgetting students do)

To prepare myself, DH, and Tater Tot, I set up a Blue Apron delivery to take care of a few dinner preps and stocked up on dry shampoo powder.  I am partial to the one from Bumble and Bumble. It makes me feel a little cleaner and smells nice. My clothes are hanging in outfits to lessen the morning scramble to get dressed. 

Wish me luck. 

Why the baby needs a bath

Today marks the beginning of the end of my maternity leave. I am excited to go back to work and also terrified to leave Tater Tot during the day. She has fabulous caretakers. There is no logical reason to worry. 

Why do I worry? #1 because it is my nature #2 my nephew. 5 years ago, we lost my nephew to SIDS just mere hours after I babysat him. There is a deep, ingrained fear that if I stop watching her, she will stop breathing and that will be it. 

Other mamas, have you dealt with this? Being practically unable to look away out of fear? 

I have one final week left before I head back to the classroom for the final three weeks of school. I keep reminding myself that I will have all summer break (minus grad school) to have our long snuggles and babble sessions. 

Now to wash the baby. Tater Tot got some lukewarm vanilla latte on her head. Nursing and drinking coffee simultaneously is not for the uncoordinated. 

Introducing Tater Tot

Here she is! Our little Tater Tot made her arrival on March 9th. We are healthy and mostly happy. After getting ourselves established, Mommy is getting back to walking and running with our new trusty jog stroller. 

Excited to blog our new adventures  in running, cooking, babywearing, and singing out loud!

Road trip with baby

A road trip is always an adventure. Occasionally stressful and always full of unexpected turns. Being a type A person, I packed everything I thought Tater Tot would need for the six days away from home and Daddy. 

One of my cousins is getting married in Savannah, Georgia. It is a 15 hour drive from Chicago so we needed to be prepared. DH couldn't take time off of work so, we rode in a 2 car caravan with my parents, brother, and sister-in-law. 

Because we cloth diaper at home, I had to estimate the amount of disposable diapers we would need. One bag packed was just diapers and wipes. Sorry fluff lovers, I am not taking those with on a road trip with family. With no sure way to wash them and carrying around dirties while out and about, it was too much to manage. I ended up with a a package and a half of Honest company dipes and a package of disposable inserts for the Flip covers we have. 

Other essentials included lots of sleepers and the trusty Wubbanub. Tater Tot is EBF.  Minus the 1-2 bottles she gets when I'm at grad school on Thursday nights, she also doesn't have much time on a fake nipple. The Wubbanub keeps her just satisfied enough during elevation changes to feel better because she can't get out of the car seat. 

So far, 13 of our 15 hours driving is done and Tater Tot is ok with the drive. Here we come wedding in Savannah, GA!

why yes, I am avoiding you.

As a third trimester pregnant lady, the holidays are not the best. People want to take your picture, ask you questions, and you just want to eat all the food. After trolling the internet for all the other lists, here is my list of living through holiday time while huge.

1. I don't want to talk to you. 

I have answered the same four questions so many times. Yes, it is a girl. No, we haven't finalized a name. Yes, I am carrying very low. Please do not tell me "Oh, just wait until the baby gets here."

2. Please don't take my picture.

I am the largest I have ever been. I do not think I am cute, pretty, glowing, or anything else positive.  My self-image right now is one of a truck with the WIDE LOAD sign. 

3. I am hungry

Please feed me. That holiday spread waiting for guests to share, it is mine, all mine.  

4. I have heartburn

TUMS are my best friend. That odd face I am making. It is probably reflux again. 

5. I'm tired

Just excuse me while I take a nap. 

6. If I am not liking how I feel, please don't tell me how much worse it could be.

Yes, lots of people have been through what I am going through. They are not me, until I can jump in their brains and feel their feelings I can't compare. 

7. Yes, I can smell you. You smell bad. 

It doesn't matter if you are freshly showered and brushed your teeth a minute ago.  Body odor makes me feel sick. Too much cologne or perfume makes me feel sick. 

8. Maternity coats should be free

When I surpassed squeezing in my husband's coat I started to layer light coats because I didn't want to spend over $100 for a coat that will be worn for two months. 

Changes in the list

While I have had every intention of actually completing my 30 before 30 list and completing the items on the list, changes have to be made. I will not be running a marathon or leaving the country because of a new addition to the list. Instead of those items, I will be having a baby before I turn 30. 

The half-marathon was great and I completed it just as I wanted, but also ran it 8weeks pregnant and decided that, running will have to take a back seat for now.

New workout motivator

So, I have two big (for me) races coming up. The ten miler at soldier field and the half marathon in June. I have a problem right now with the treadmill. I hate it. But, the roads are just too slippery to run on right now and I can't expect that all my neighbors will have shoveled the sidewalks. So, the treadmill at the gym it is. 

A friend from work, who is run races with, says she watches moves. She especially likes rings like space balls to distract her. 

So, I realized, kids movies, like ones form Disney or Dreamworks last about as long as I need to be running. 90 minutes.  

I guess I can purchase all those movies to put on my iPad now...

Things my students tell me

A collection of recent amazing kid quotes in my classroom. There are more but alas, my brain doesn't keep them all in by the time I get home.

"I use you tube to look up where babies come from!"

 "Someone fell in the toilet!"

"my brain is singing!"

"I don't remember how many freckles Mrs. Bush has"- Student was drawing my picture

The Marathon

Today was the Chicago marathon. I think I should be there, next year.

I have gotten more. And more comfortable with running and have signed up for several races in the last few weeks. 

My goal. 30 before 30. I have a little less than two years before my 30th birthday. Many people make a bucket list. I don't like the idea of a list. Of hugging sags before death. Life is too short to look to death daily. For me, this will be a "before I hit the big 3-0" challenge.

The list-part 1 of three

1. Run the Rock and Roll Half Marathon -already signed up

2. Run the Chicago marathon

3. Finish my masters

4. Leave the country -yes I have done this but I need to do it again

5. Make a significant donation to a charity I care about

6. Put on a recital

7. Road trip with my best friend
8. Save enough for a house down payment.
9. Volunteer
10. Buy coffee at Starbucks for the next five people behind me.  

Unsure

The constant battle in my mind.
Am I doing the right thing? Do I really understand what I am doing? I don't think I am smart enough to do this.
Forever I am unsure of who I am and what I am capable of. Always second guessing and waiting with fear that comes with being unsure.

Inner battles of letting something go and being spontaneous.
But wait, did I jump too early or speak too soon?

Hold on for a month while I think about what I might want to do, say, be.