The Marathon

Today was the Chicago marathon. I think I should be there, next year.

I have gotten more. And more comfortable with running and have signed up for several races in the last few weeks. 

My goal. 30 before 30. I have a little less than two years before my 30th birthday. Many people make a bucket list. I don't like the idea of a list. Of hugging sags before death. Life is too short to look to death daily. For me, this will be a "before I hit the big 3-0" challenge.

The list-part 1 of three

1. Run the Rock and Roll Half Marathon -already signed up

2. Run the Chicago marathon

3. Finish my masters

4. Leave the country -yes I have done this but I need to do it again

5. Make a significant donation to a charity I care about

6. Put on a recital

7. Road trip with my best friend
8. Save enough for a house down payment.
9. Volunteer
10. Buy coffee at Starbucks for the next five people behind me.  

Unsure

The constant battle in my mind.
Am I doing the right thing? Do I really understand what I am doing? I don't think I am smart enough to do this.
Forever I am unsure of who I am and what I am capable of. Always second guessing and waiting with fear that comes with being unsure.

Inner battles of letting something go and being spontaneous.
But wait, did I jump too early or speak too soon?

Hold on for a month while I think about what I might want to do, say, be.

When it rains

Life is really happening right now. So many small and large stressors happening at the same time. It is one of those life moments where you really start to feel upset about your lot and blame the world.
DH lost his job and also ended up with a nasty head injury as the result of a fall just 2 weeks later. (he is ok) Dear family members fighting with their health. Other family members also losing jobs and getting in car accidents.

I have always tried to be the eternal optimist. Tried is the big part.
Yesterday I broke down and cried at every turn. Optimism left me for 24 hours. I didn't like it.
I am trying right now to look at these hurdles as something to jump over. Maybe we trip on the hurdle but finish the race. There will be no falling and giving up.
2013 is a year of new paths to take.

How do you pull strength from the deepest pockets of yourself?
Where do you look when all you can think of is blaming the world?

tan or dirt

When you work at a garden center on the weekends to supplement your teaching salary you become a very tired person when you get home. Today I came home and thought I might have gotten a little bit of a tan. This is ridiculous because I am very fair and red headed. I think it may just be a fine layer of dirt. Only a shower will tell the truth.

My third graders are performing this week. Two concerts were today and two concerts are tomorrow. They are adorable and I have trained them well they have worked so hard have worked so hard. I have to say, this is my favorite program I have put on so far. The kids have worked hard and the songs fit together quite nicely. I wish I could post pictures and videos on here but, I can't. Gotta protect my kids.

A Year

It has been a year.
A year ago today, we lost my sweet nephew to SIDS. A mystery of a diagnoses that sucks the breath out of you and makes you hurt. A beautiful, healthy little person is gone in an instant and there is nothing you can do about it, nothing more you could have done to prevent it, and no reason why it happened. You are left stunned and sad. Left feeling confused.
 Miss you Dyl.

Hug your children tonight if you have them. Call your parents and tell them you love them. Life is precious and fragile.

Research safe sleep for babies if there are infants in your life. SIDS is not totally preventable but you must do everything you can to reduce the risks.

Small absence

Sorry Blog land. It is grading time so, I am a little busy.
To put it in numbers, I have:

• 563 students to grade
• Each gets 3 grades (Skills, Behavior, and Participation)
• That is 1,689 numbers I have to correctly input

Updates will come after my brain recovers from the grading time.

Final straw

Well, the final straw fro me to finally go get a new pair of glasses and some more contacts came today. I have been putting it off for a while. My prescription did not change. But, I really did not want to shell out the bucks for new frames, just contacts.
The sad fate of my beloved teal and black frames came from a very small boy. You see, I assist with an after school, intramural program.We have been playing soccer. These are second graders. I bent over to help someone tie a shoe. There were knots. So, I am kneeling on the floor, wrestling with tiny knots on a tiny shoe and then BLAMM-O! A soccer ball smacks into the left side of my face at what seemed like full force. My glasses go flying off my face, landing about 5 feet away from me. The nose pads dug just so forcefully into the sides of my nose, I thought it was almost broken. Then, there is the small boy, holding his hands over his mouth, looking stunned and a little scared. He has just realized that his music teacher is not ok.
So, I hear him apologize about 50 times and ask if I am ok. I tell him that I am fine but to not kick soccer balls that close to someone.
Immediately after the session, I call up the local fast glasses place and get an appointment. Two hours later I have new contacts, new glasses to pick up tomorrow (not as cute as the old ones but hey I am poor), and a big divot in my wallet.

sick again

Once again, I am home sick. This time it is bronchitis and as much as I do not want to be home, work will not let me back until I have antibiotics for 24 hours. I am not good with being idle.

Snow day movie watching

So, we signed up for Netflix through our Wii. We have a month long free trial and I figured, I better give it a run for it's money before I have to start paying for it. Because I have had 2 days off due to snow, this has been quite easy to do.

Here is what I have seen so far:
1. George Carlin- It's bad for ya.
2. Blade runner (Kyle's choice- I fell asleep)
3. Alice in Wonderland (the new one)
4. The Princess and the Frog.
5. What Ever Happened to the Morgans?
6. Jim Gaffigan: Beyond the Pale
7. The Ugly Truth
8. Program from NOVA about dogs
9. Food Inc.

The cold and snow

The cold and snow are upon us. There were flurries earlier this week and tonight has a forecast of up to 6 inches falling overnight. Whee.

Oh you didn't hear? I hate snow. I also hate cold.
I was born for warm weather and sunshine. friends in college coined the name "Nanuk of the Northwest Suburbs" for me. I wear a Sta-Puff marshmallow man coat and snowpants at bus duty.
Anyone who lives in a warm climate want to adopt Kyle and I and give us jobs? 

I also had a student tell me today "Mrs. B! It was so cold this morning it frozes my dog's business!" I lost it. Little boys and poop. A match made in heaven.

Major congrats to my teaching partner in crime on her engagement too! More on that later when I know I can tell about all the lies that went into keeping that a secret.

Rant rant

I have red hair. I have always had red hair. Why do people need to point this out to me? Today at the grocery store I was in a self check out and a random dud comes right up to me and says "wow, that looks like almost real red hair. How'd you get it so good?"   "Um, it is real hair"  then the guy keeps talking to me about it. I just ignored him. really dude, do you think I don't know what color the hair on my head is?

Wanted: fire extinguisher for life fires

Things are tough right now. We are broke. My job is getting a little more stressful due to the fact that Illinois is broke. There have also been a few too many family crisis for a short amount of time. So, today, we had an institute day at the school I work at. Meaning, no kids. Thank goodness or I might have cried in front of the kids. Do you ever just reach that point of total breaking and can't keep it together. Yeah, I'm there. So, I stood in the closet of my classroom and just took deep breaths for about 5 minutes. All I wanted was to go in there and find something. But, I have not been very good at keeping that closet organized and when I hit the mess, I was at my end.
I work with the best co-worker possible. She understands me and we have a phrase for when things are very difficult. "My life is exploding." Her life also has been exploding recently and we are a pair. So, this morning she walks into my classroom to get started on our morning of doing music teacher-y things and I said to her, "My life is so full of explosions right now. I need a fire extinguisher for my life to put out the fires." She agreed.
She wanted one too.

I write this not to complain about my life. I write it not to ask for pity or hand outs. I know full well that many of the situations I am encountering right now are partly or fully due to actions that I have made. I write this to explain my current mindset, attitude, lack of participation, and anything else that makes me not act like my usual self.

re-cap

Dear little blog,
I'm sorry I have neglected you. Life is busy. Here is a re-cap of the summer's events.

June
Our lease in Lakemoor was up on the 15th so we packed up and moved to my parents temporarily. It was a long move out because we did not rent a truck. Piece by piece, Kyle, his mom, and I loaded up her van and my dad's Element to make about 20 trips back and forth. I then cleaned the place for 3 days so that it was spotless and we would incur no additional charges.
Kyle started his internship with GPMF and got really involved in the festival.

July
We found a place in Chicago (to meet the residency requirements of GPMF) and move in on the 9th. We love our new neighborhood and it is nice to be here in the city. Kyle and I did the whole move BY OUR SELVES. Never again. 3 flights of stairs over and over are no fun.
I kept myself busy with helping family, going occasionally to the barn, and lots of working out. I am really loving this whole no real responsibility thing. I also helped Kyle at the festival with a project that needed volunteers. Oh, and did I mention that I am now selling my hats and things on Etsy? Buy them please!

August
We have to decide if we want to stay in Chicago. Our sub-lease ends after next month and they want to know if we want to stay. After going back and forth a thousand times, we decide that my commute to work sucks big time and I would rather leave our darling neighborhood for some sanity and for less of our hard earned money going to OPEC. So, the hunt for new residency begins again! (and move number 3 of the summer)
School started on the 25th and I am so glad to be back at work. I love my job.