Things are tough right now. We are broke. My job is getting a little more stressful due to the fact that Illinois is broke. There have also been a few too many family crisis for a short amount of time. So, today, we had an institute day at the school I work at. Meaning, no kids. Thank goodness or I might have cried in front of the kids. Do you ever just reach that point of total breaking and can't keep it together. Yeah, I'm there. So, I stood in the closet of my classroom and just took deep breaths for about 5 minutes. All I wanted was to go in there and find something. But, I have not been very good at keeping that closet organized and when I hit the mess, I was at my end.
I work with the best co-worker possible. She understands me and we have a phrase for when things are very difficult. "My life is exploding." Her life also has been exploding recently and we are a pair. So, this morning she walks into my classroom to get started on our morning of doing music teacher-y things and I said to her, "My life is so full of explosions right now. I need a fire extinguisher for my life to put out the fires." She agreed.
She wanted one too.
I write this not to complain about my life. I write it not to ask for pity or hand outs. I know full well that many of the situations I am encountering right now are partly or fully due to actions that I have made. I write this to explain my current mindset, attitude, lack of participation, and anything else that makes me not act like my usual self.
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